Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:25-26

Thursday, June 3, 2010


Cayston just arrived. I mean literally, like 5 minutes ago or less. I'm still shaking. I'm so nervous but excited at the same time. I handle change now much more swiftly than I have in the past, but still with jitters, sick feelings in the stomach, and anxiety.

It's probably been there since I was in the shower earlier, but I didn't check until I was about to leave to go to my grandmother's house. So peeked through the front door blinds and sure enough: one cardboard box and one Styrofoam box. I pulled both boxes inside, the cardboard box significantly lighter than the other one. I thought the cardboard box was a shirt I had ordered so I opened it up first (less stress). I honestly cannot describe my emotions when I saw what was inside. It was a mixture of confusion, anxiety, amusement, fear, nausea... not sure what else. It was mostly confusion. I was doing my very best to try to understand why someone would ship to my name a Nuk baby bottler cleaner and some Ziplock storage containers. My first thought was it was ordered in my name as to hide it from Mom so Dad could give her these things because of Baby Carter... but that really didn't make sense. Strangely enough, the correct answer did pass through my brain but didn't register until it came through a second time: it's to clean the Cayston stuff. The Ziplock containers are random but I'm sure I'll figure out the intended use for them soon. I pulled that stuff out and found a carrying bag and a really cute/tiny bottle of detergent. After I had emptied that box, I turned to the one that made my stomach do gymnastic-type flips. I cut it open and pulled out the 2 boxes that contain something to do with the actual machine for Cayston. Cayston itself was in a metallic silver bag that reminded me of space food. I picked it up, bag and all, and stuffed it in my fridge. I just wanted to get it away from me for the moment. My stomach couldn't take much more.

I've started sifting through the short and repetitive pamphlet they gave me in the first box, mostly about cleaning the Altera Nebulizer handset. It's kinda cool looking, I'll give them that.

I'm doing albuterol right now and then I'm going to take the Cayston to my grandmother's house (where my Dad is) because I really don't want to do the first dose alone, nor right before I drive somewhere. I don't expect anything to go wrong, but it eases my mind.

Wish me luck. I'm still a little nervous but also extremely excited about what it can do for me.

Cheers, Cayston.


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