Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:25-26

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Summer, goals

Well hi! MIA as usual, my apologies.

I'm just enjoying my summer days before I head back to school in July. I'm almost completely unpacked (ha! Said it would take until half of June) but I've been doing other things too. I finished my scholarship application, turned it in, visited friends I haven't seen in what seems like forever, spent quality time with family, reread the 7th Harry Potter book (since the movie comes out July 15), and shopping for my new apartment. So while I've been busy, it feels like I haven't done much at all!

Goals. I have been told all my life to set goals for myself. I have avoided admitting to making goals for the fear of not reaching them. However now, I see goals in my future that I'm striving for whether I reach them or not.
I reached one goal after my freshman year of college: stay out of the hospital for my first year! I managed to stretch my accomplishment over my second year of college too. My new goal is that I can stay out of the hospital all my college life, including grad school. It's going to take a lot of work, a lot of perseverance, and a lot of doing stuff I really don't want to do. But this is my goal and it benefits many people, not just myself. Do you have any idea how hard it is to fight for people who aren't even a thought yet? My future family is far from being created, but I'm fighting every day to spend time with them. An RT once told me that when I do treatment, I'm not fighting for today, I'm fighting for tomorrow. I'm fighting for my kids' first days of school, for their soccer games, for their graduations and weddings and their kids too. I'm fighting to have those moments with THEM, not to have more time for myself. See the difference?
From this side of the screen, it seems like people who already have their families have an easier time fighting because they have eyes to look into and think to themselves "I'm doing this for you." I've been trying to do that with my niece and nephew. I want to be around to be their aunt for many years to come. I want them to see me live a wonderful life of many years with them. I don't want them to grow up and remember me as the aunt they don't remember so well because I passed away too young from some terrible disease and they didn't know me very well. That would be my life's regret. The same goes for my kids one day. I NEVER want them to say that they don't remember their mom because I passed away before they really knew me. That's why I'm fighting. That's why pictures of my niece and nephew are so dear to me. Those are the eyes I look into right now and say "I'm fighting for you."