Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:25-26

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Unexpected change of plans

I was going to post my latest school excitement, recent crazy sickness, and other such life info, when my plans suddenly changed: my grandfather died Friday night. I took it well when my mom called, probably because I was DDing for some friends and had to keep it together, but once I was back in my empty apartment, I began to sob. And I cried until I couldn't anymore. Then I called my mom wanting to be at home with my family. I hadn't planned to come home, I was going to stay and study and work on projects and such, but there was no way I could stay by myself. So mom left around 12:15 this "morning" to come get me. It's now 3:15am on Tuesday and I'm doing treatment before I get some sleep. My puppy is curled up on my legs.

I don't think it's hit me yet. The words "Pappaw has passed" doesn't make sense. Crap, here come the tears again. But really, those words don't seem to fit together. It's not a dream-like feeling, but it's not real feeling either. It's just surreal. And slow moving. Like everything has come to a stand-still but we're still moving.

I think one of the worst parts is that I feel guilty because I don't have time. His passing came at a really stressful and difficult time for me to slow down. I feel guilty because I feel I'm being selfish. But I think I was being selfish I wouldn't have emailed all of my professors saying I'm not coming to class and then come home.

No one is really sure how the weekend/week is going to go. I don't want to speculate though.

The mysterious sickness I mentioned earlier in the post is still coming and going. I'll talk about it on another post.

My eyes are burning and I just started TOBI. Only 5 more vials after this and then I'm done with TOBI for good.


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