Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:25-26

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Silver Lining and a Frustration

I like to think there is a silver lining to all situations. To mine at the moment? I get *2* weeks for Thanksgiving break, not just 1. :]

Soccer started today. While we may have had little (or no...) competition, I am glad to be BACK!

Ah, so I went to an Eagle Scout ceremony today for two guys, Alex and Kendall. Late into the reception, I had a panic attack. These things hit me when I think too much. I was hit with the reality that I was about to be admitted into the hospital again in 2 days. WHAT? No way. I was just running with my team this morning. There has got to be a mistake. Are we sure we have the right Andrea? Yep. No mistake.
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On the car ride home from the ceremony (Chris drove me) I ranted a bit. First time I went into the hospital was because I kinda gave up on life and just didn't take care of myself. These last two times I have more trouble accepting... it's just very upsetting when it feels like I'm being *punished* for something I didn't do. I didn't do this to myself. I didn't give myself this disease. I have taken care of myself. But it's not good enough. It's just frustrating when even when I'm doing everything right, stuff still goes wrong.
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Other than that, I'm growing more nervous by the day. Worry does nothing good for you, but I can't seem to calm down. Seriously, what am I so afraid of?! I honestly believe I'm more worried about the emotional stress than actual pain. There is a great deal of both, but I have a harder time handling emotional stress. And then the stress of making up a weeks worth of homework... and the stress of not being there to run with my team because I'm couped up in a hospital room. And the fact that people feel sorry for me!! I don't handle that well either! Don't pity me. That is the LAST thing I want. It makes me feel worse, actually. Empathy is fine, but support is better. Looking PAST the fact that I've got a PICC line in or an illness and seeing *ME*. Yes, I'm in a hospital getting antibiotics. No, I'm not those kids you see in the biology text book where I'm hooked up to 20 machines and passed out like I'm about to die. I'M STILL ME.

Oh there I go ranting again. That's just me being nervous... :/

-Andrea

1 comment:

Anjea said...

I'm actually not great about commenting on blogs, but there are quite a few that I follow in Google Reader. I added you to the list. :D
Anjea

P.S. Do you still read/use LJ?