"Closer to Time"

I mentioned in the previous post that I would see how I'm feeling "closer to time" to the surgery. As far as nerves go, I'm fantastic. I'm not worried at ALL. Seriously. That actually makes me wonder.. what's wrong with me?! I'm the worry-wart by nature! I would be the one to worry about me not worrying. Ugh.

Nevertheless, I'm not worried and am actually, *gasp*, looking forward to it! No, not the pain and the feeling sick, but I'm becoming more and more aware of how often these sinus headaches are around and how much I cough due to drainage, and how I'm not as hungry, etc. I have news for you, people: sinuses have the ability to make or break your day, week, month, year. My dietitian told me that I have "no idea" how sick I feel right now because I'm just so used to it. But once the swelling goes down after surgery, and I can breathe normally, I will be "amazed" at what I've been missing for these past 2 years or so. I'm looking forward to feeling good in the mornings, to be able to smell, taste, focus without headaches.... the list really does go on and on.

A good friend of mine was having sinus headaches today. I felt bad for her, but I couldn't help but smile because she said things like "if this is how you feel every day, I am so sorry." and commented on how I don't complain about it and "here I am whining for one day!" What have I got to complain about? A headache? A sore throat? Nausea? What's new to complain about? Nope. I'm good, thanks. I've really just become accustomed to all of this that normally, I don't say anything about it. I move on and I eventually forget it's even there.

Everyone is being really supportive about it. And some people are just down-right funny because they try not to make it awkward about that I'm going in for surgery, like it's a shameful thing. I just can't help but laugh because I'm not trying to hide it or anything. I really don't care if people know that I'm back in the hospital or having surgery. So what? But people are considerate, and I respect that, but I still chuckle to myself. It's almost like when people come across people in wheelchairs. You don't want to be like "OMG YOU'RE IN A WHEELCHAIR" but you can't ignore them nor can you pretend like they are ok. They know they are in a wheelchair, people, and you're not telling them something they don't know by confirming it. It's just life.

So I went to go talk to the Bio 2 class on Friday. It went well. I was VERY nervous at first, but had a close friend sitting beside me and the more I talked the more comfortable I became. They asked a few questions but mostly they just listened. I talked about everything from nutrition, life expectancy, PICC lines, how we're diagnosed, the genes, and so much more. I ended with an honest plea for them not to look at me as the "kid with CF" but still as the athlete, the student, the in the hall, whatever. Just don't label me with what I was given instead of who I am.

Ok! That's all for now! Depending on how my week goes, this may be the last update before I go to the hospital. We shall see!

-Andrea