Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:25-26

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

(Un)Happy Post # 100!

I was hoping my 100th post would be a happy one. Part of it is! We'll start with the good stuff.

My sis-in-law who's been preggers just found out what she's having today... A !!!!! So I'll get to add a niece to the nephew I already have. That was definitely the highlight of my day.

I've also been drinking a lot more water lately. I'm a Dr. Pepper addict (and proud of it) and I've been chain-drinking for the past few weeks. Friday night I realized I was really really dehydrated. So for 3 1/2 days straight, I drank nothing but water, with surprisingly few negative side-effects. After those 3 1/2 days, I've only had 1 can of Dr. Pepper each day. And it's slowly consumed, unlike the last few weeks when I would finish 2 or 3 in under 2 hours, easily.

However, these rough 3 weeks have really been hard on me. I realized today I'm depressed. Not the diagnosable depression, but just down. I can't eat, I fight with the boyfriend, and I've lost the will to fight CF. I go through stages like this so I'm not too worried about it. But here's what I've contributed it to: I'm homesick, I'm mad that I'm homesick, I feel sick in general, I'm mad I feel sick, I'm stressed, I'm tired, the weather is depressing, I feel like I'm caught in a circle of bad health I can't get out of. Tuesday, I couldn't walk without getting winded. I really felt I was going to die on the couch. Because I feel this way, I don't feel like I can't get back to the physical health I was at. The feeling of hopelessness leads me to stop fighting CF. So when I stop pushing back, I feel even worse. Then I get mad because I h.ate feeling sick. And the cycle continues. UGGHHH!!!

I need it to get pretty outside so I will at least be happier in general, but it is suppose to SNOW tomorrow night. Here in the south, it's not pretty snow. It's gross. Really gross. It doesn't stick. It just makes everything soggy and heavy. I want it to be warm again! When it's a nice warm, sunny day, we all feel a little bit better. I having to bundle up to walk to the gym just to take it all off when I get there. And then I have to find a place to store my clothes while I workout and put them back on before walking back out. It's really annoying, to be honest. And I'm back to seriously hating running again. Did you know that jogging/running is the most ha.ted form of exercise in America?? At least I'm not alone in my hatred. I wouldn't mind just doing weight/flexibility training, but we've been over this: I need cardio too....

I tried the 5 hour energy drink this evening. I chose the grape flavour. It tasted like watered down Dymatapp, so I could stomach it. People, IT REALLY WORKS. I'm very much a skeptic on things like this, but 5 hour energy works. I wasn't jittery or hyper. I just felt awake. Normal awake. And alert. Occasionally, while studying, my eyes would get a little droopy. Give it a few seconds, and they were fine again. It was great. And I watched the clock and as the 5 hours ended, I didn't crash and burn. (It ended an hour ago) I got progressively sleepier as the 6th hour dragged on, but it was 11+ pm and I SHOULD be sleepy! I had a very slight headache afterwards, but it's nothing like the caffeine/sinus headaches I get. Do follow the directions though. It says don't take more than 2 a day, with SEVERAL hours in between. So basically, don't OD on 5hr energy drinks, ok?

Oh, and the New Orleans Saints won the Superbowl. :]

That's all. Don't worry. I'll be fine. I just need some time and for this test tomorrow to be done with. Then I'm baking a cake. Or cupcakes or something.



Stephie said...

Keep your head up Anne. We all have those kind of days hun, where you question if it's all worth it. Don't let the CF crazies get to you, they aren't worth your time.

Anjea said...

Don't scoff too much that it's not "real" depression - I'm glad you're aware of what's going on physically and emotionally with your body and mind right now, but do take it seriously if it persists. If you're in that kind of funk for more than a week or so, it's really really really worth getting checked out. You have always had so much on your plate (good and bad!) that it stands to reason that sometimes the culmination of it all is more than you can handle at times.

I agree that the weather has been awful. It hasn't snowed or anything here, but it's either raining or sleeting, hovering around freezing every day (and below at night), super windy, and just nasty gray outside. I'm ready for spring!