Quick Update

I have been feeling sick off and on since Thursday. Let me just say that this is getting old pretty quickly. I'm taking all of my medicines, eating lots, drinking both water and Dr. Pepper, getting sleep, etc.... and yet, I feel sick daily. I called Mom and she thinks it's probably a sinus infection and the nausea is from sinus drainage, which is common for me. But another sinus infection? Ok sinusitis, I know you're there! No need to keep causing me problems! lol The only reason it doesn't feel like a normal sinus infection is that my nose isn't stuffy/runny. Maybe the headaches replaced the gross nose stuff. Not sure. All I know is it's bothersome. But there's no time to stop and go to the doctor yet. If it persists and/or gets worse, then I'll make time. But right now, I'm busy with school, social, sorority, spiritual, and sleep. The 5 S's.

I'll keep you posted.

-Annie

(Un)Happy Post # 100!

I was hoping my 100th post would be a happy one. Part of it is! We'll start with the good stuff.

My sis-in-law who's been preggers just found out what she's having today... A !!!!! So I'll get to add a niece to the nephew I already have. That was definitely the highlight of my day.

I've also been drinking a lot more water lately. I'm a Dr. Pepper addict (and proud of it) and I've been chain-drinking for the past few weeks. Friday night I realized I was really really dehydrated. So for 3 1/2 days straight, I drank nothing but water, with surprisingly few negative side-effects. After those 3 1/2 days, I've only had 1 can of Dr. Pepper each day. And it's slowly consumed, unlike the last few weeks when I would finish 2 or 3 in under 2 hours, easily.

However, these rough 3 weeks have really been hard on me. I realized today I'm depressed. Not the diagnosable depression, but just down. I can't eat, I fight with the boyfriend, and I've lost the will to fight CF. I go through stages like this so I'm not too worried about it. But here's what I've contributed it to: I'm homesick, I'm mad that I'm homesick, I feel sick in general, I'm mad I feel sick, I'm stressed, I'm tired, the weather is depressing, I feel like I'm caught in a circle of bad health I can't get out of. Tuesday, I couldn't walk without getting winded. I really felt I was going to die on the couch. Because I feel this way, I don't feel like I can't get back to the physical health I was at. The feeling of hopelessness leads me to stop fighting CF. So when I stop pushing back, I feel even worse. Then I get mad because I h.ate feeling sick. And the cycle continues. UGGHHH!!!

I need it to get pretty outside so I will at least be happier in general, but it is suppose to SNOW tomorrow night. Here in the south, it's not pretty snow. It's gross. Really gross. It doesn't stick. It just makes everything soggy and heavy. I want it to be warm again! When it's a nice warm, sunny day, we all feel a little bit better. I having to bundle up to walk to the gym just to take it all off when I get there. And then I have to find a place to store my clothes while I workout and put them back on before walking back out. It's really annoying, to be honest. And I'm back to seriously hating running again. Did you know that jogging/running is the most ha.ted form of exercise in America?? At least I'm not alone in my hatred. I wouldn't mind just doing weight/flexibility training, but we've been over this: I need cardio too....

I tried the 5 hour energy drink this evening. I chose the grape flavour. It tasted like watered down Dymatapp, so I could stomach it. People, IT REALLY WORKS. I'm very much a skeptic on things like this, but 5 hour energy works. I wasn't jittery or hyper. I just felt awake. Normal awake. And alert. Occasionally, while studying, my eyes would get a little droopy. Give it a few seconds, and they were fine again. It was great. And I watched the clock and as the 5 hours ended, I didn't crash and burn. (It ended an hour ago) I got progressively sleepier as the 6th hour dragged on, but it was 11+ pm and I SHOULD be sleepy! I had a very slight headache afterwards, but it's nothing like the caffeine/sinus headaches I get. Do follow the directions though. It says don't take more than 2 a day, with SEVERAL hours in between. So basically, don't OD on 5hr energy drinks, ok?

Oh, and the New Orleans Saints won the Superbowl. :]

That's all. Don't worry. I'll be fine. I just need some time and for this test tomorrow to be done with. Then I'm baking a cake. Or cupcakes or something.

-Annie

Sinuses Vs. Annie

Guess who's winning...

They are kil.ling me right now! Today was initiation and I had a headache the whole time. :[ It was still wonderful though.

Oh, and last night... ooooh last night. 3 or 4 times between 2-4am, I got up and ran to the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up. Every time I prayed to God to not let me throw up because I h.ate it and I couldn't be sick for initiation. I had to be there. Eventually I drifted back to sleep until I few minutes before my alarm went off so I got up anyway.

My mom brought albuterol!!! About to do a treatment now. I don't feel like I need it (not coughing a bunch, not short of breath) but I know I need it for the long-term affects.

Love,
One of Sigma Kappa's newest Actives. :]

"Closer to Time"

I mentioned in the previous post that I would see how I'm feeling "closer to time" to the surgery. As far as nerves go, I'm fantastic. I'm not worried at ALL. Seriously. That actually makes me wonder.. what's wrong with me?! I'm the worry-wart by nature! I would be the one to worry about me not worrying. Ugh.

Nevertheless, I'm not worried and am actually, *gasp*, looking forward to it! No, not the pain and the feeling sick, but I'm becoming more and more aware of how often these sinus headaches are around and how much I cough due to drainage, and how I'm not as hungry, etc. I have news for you, people: sinuses have the ability to make or break your day, week, month, year. My dietitian told me that I have "no idea" how sick I feel right now because I'm just so used to it. But once the swelling goes down after surgery, and I can breathe normally, I will be "amazed" at what I've been missing for these past 2 years or so. I'm looking forward to feeling good in the mornings, to be able to smell, taste, focus without headaches.... the list really does go on and on.

A good friend of mine was having sinus headaches today. I felt bad for her, but I couldn't help but smile because she said things like "if this is how you feel every day, I am so sorry." and commented on how I don't complain about it and "here I am whining for one day!" What have I got to complain about? A headache? A sore throat? Nausea? What's new to complain about? Nope. I'm good, thanks. I've really just become accustomed to all of this that normally, I don't say anything about it. I move on and I eventually forget it's even there.

Everyone is being really supportive about it. And some people are just down-right funny because they try not to make it awkward about that I'm going in for surgery, like it's a shameful thing. I just can't help but laugh because I'm not trying to hide it or anything. I really don't care if people know that I'm back in the hospital or having surgery. So what? But people are considerate, and I respect that, but I still chuckle to myself. It's almost like when people come across people in wheelchairs. You don't want to be like "OMG YOU'RE IN A WHEELCHAIR" but you can't ignore them nor can you pretend like they are ok. They know they are in a wheelchair, people, and you're not telling them something they don't know by confirming it. It's just life.

So I went to go talk to the Bio 2 class on Friday. It went well. I was VERY nervous at first, but had a close friend sitting beside me and the more I talked the more comfortable I became. They asked a few questions but mostly they just listened. I talked about everything from nutrition, life expectancy, PICC lines, how we're diagnosed, the genes, and so much more. I ended with an honest plea for them not to look at me as the "kid with CF" but still as the athlete, the student, the in the hall, whatever. Just don't label me with what I was given instead of who I am.

Ok! That's all for now! Depending on how my week goes, this may be the last update before I go to the hospital. We shall see!

-Andrea