I had a very frustrating night last night. At 6:45 Saturday morning, I awoke doing my absolute best to ignore "the cough." You know, the cough that means I'm coughing up copious amounts of blood. Maybe, in my delirious state, if I ignore it, it will go away. WRONG. But the real kicker in this situation is that I'm not home. I'm with family in Austin, TX, sleeping on a couch. Waking up scared, sick, and still drowsy, I'm not thinking straight. Not to mention I'm really nauseated from coughing so much/coughing up blood/swallowing more blood because I have no where to spit it out. I start an albuterol and realize that I am going to be sick. Luckily (I think) I wasn't, but and I finally finish my treatment and fall back asleep. However, the most frustrating thing about this situation is that I'm NOT on antibiotics, which in the past has been the only time this hemoptysis has occurred. And I took my Vit. K that day. So now I'm actually clueless as to the cause of this, and that scares me. Now I'm planning ahead though. Along with my nightly glass of water, I'm keeping an empty cup next to me in case this happens again tonight... I really hope not.
My doctor's appointment is in 3 days, and to be perfectly honest, I feel awful. Just terrible. I'm afraid I haven't improved enough to my doctor's satisfaction and I'll be sent to the Hole for the first time in almost 2.5 years. I've actually come to terms with it, really. Worst case, I'm right and I'm not shocked. Best case, I'm wrong and I'm thrilled I don't have to go!! My only real hope is that I'm testing out hypertonic saline for the first time at my appointment so maybe they'll let me slide again, but I think I've slide by long enough. Tuesday will be the test. Obviously, I'll let you know the results.
On a lighter note, I'm getting some good quality time with my family this weekend. I haven't seen this brother/fam since our May crawfish boil so it was long overdue. And my niece is growing so quickly!
OH! I'm done with summer school!!! I couldn't be happier to have two more classes out of the way. And with one of those classes came the idea of a different future career than originally planned, and it's worth looking into! I may be doing grad school instead of PT school! May. I don't know what the future holds yet, obviously, but I like having serious options. We shall see!
My family lately has spent a lot of time watching old home videos. I've been watching videos from when my oldest brother was crawling to when I was around 9 years old and everything in between! Birthdays, holidays, sports, and then just those fun times playing as siblings at the house. It really was fun seeing people/pets who have passed away that I miss dearly and watching the memories I don't have, or times when I wasn't even alive! It really has been fun watching these. Thank goodness for VHS-to-DVD converters!!
I guess I should call it a night here soon. I'll keep you updated on my doctor adventures on Tuesday.
-Andrea
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Summer, goals
Well hi! MIA as usual, my apologies.
I'm just enjoying my summer days before I head back to school in July. I'm almost completely unpacked (ha! Said it would take until half of June) but I've been doing other things too. I finished my scholarship application, turned it in, visited friends I haven't seen in what seems like forever, spent quality time with family, reread the 7th Harry Potter book (since the movie comes out July 15), and shopping for my new apartment. So while I've been busy, it feels like I haven't done much at all!
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Goals. I have been told all my life to set goals for myself. I have avoided admitting to making goals for the fear of not reaching them. However now, I see goals in my future that I'm striving for whether I reach them or not.
I reached one goal after my freshman year of college: stay out of the hospital for my first year! I managed to stretch my accomplishment over my second year of college too. My new goal is that I can stay out of the hospital all my college life, including grad school. It's going to take a lot of work, a lot of perseverance, and a lot of doing stuff I really don't want to do. But this is my goal and it benefits many people, not just myself. Do you have any idea how hard it is to fight for people who aren't even a thought yet? My future family is far from being created, but I'm fighting every day to spend time with them. An RT once told me that when I do treatment, I'm not fighting for today, I'm fighting for tomorrow. I'm fighting for my kids' first days of school, for their soccer games, for their graduations and weddings and their kids too. I'm fighting to have those moments with THEM, not to have more time for myself. See the difference?
From this side of the screen, it seems like people who already have their families have an easier time fighting because they have eyes to look into and think to themselves "I'm doing this for you." I've been trying to do that with my niece and nephew. I want to be around to be their aunt for many years to come. I want them to see me live a wonderful life of many years with them. I don't want them to grow up and remember me as the aunt they don't remember so well because I passed away too young from some terrible disease and they didn't know me very well. That would be my life's regret. The same goes for my kids one day. I NEVER want them to say that they don't remember their mom because I passed away before they really knew me. That's why I'm fighting. That's why pictures of my niece and nephew are so dear to me. Those are the eyes I look into right now and say "I'm fighting for you."
-Annie
I'm just enjoying my summer days before I head back to school in July. I'm almost completely unpacked (ha! Said it would take until half of June) but I've been doing other things too. I finished my scholarship application, turned it in, visited friends I haven't seen in what seems like forever, spent quality time with family, reread the 7th Harry Potter book (since the movie comes out July 15), and shopping for my new apartment. So while I've been busy, it feels like I haven't done much at all!
---------------
Goals. I have been told all my life to set goals for myself. I have avoided admitting to making goals for the fear of not reaching them. However now, I see goals in my future that I'm striving for whether I reach them or not.
I reached one goal after my freshman year of college: stay out of the hospital for my first year! I managed to stretch my accomplishment over my second year of college too. My new goal is that I can stay out of the hospital all my college life, including grad school. It's going to take a lot of work, a lot of perseverance, and a lot of doing stuff I really don't want to do. But this is my goal and it benefits many people, not just myself. Do you have any idea how hard it is to fight for people who aren't even a thought yet? My future family is far from being created, but I'm fighting every day to spend time with them. An RT once told me that when I do treatment, I'm not fighting for today, I'm fighting for tomorrow. I'm fighting for my kids' first days of school, for their soccer games, for their graduations and weddings and their kids too. I'm fighting to have those moments with THEM, not to have more time for myself. See the difference?
From this side of the screen, it seems like people who already have their families have an easier time fighting because they have eyes to look into and think to themselves "I'm doing this for you." I've been trying to do that with my niece and nephew. I want to be around to be their aunt for many years to come. I want them to see me live a wonderful life of many years with them. I don't want them to grow up and remember me as the aunt they don't remember so well because I passed away too young from some terrible disease and they didn't know me very well. That would be my life's regret. The same goes for my kids one day. I NEVER want them to say that they don't remember their mom because I passed away before they really knew me. That's why I'm fighting. That's why pictures of my niece and nephew are so dear to me. Those are the eyes I look into right now and say "I'm fighting for you."
-Annie
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Couch Potato
NOT! Well, I do enjoy my NCIS, Law & Order: SVU, House, and a few other shows, but I haven't completely vegged out. I've been running! Every morning I get up and run a lap around my neighborhood and then tan some (preparing for when I go to the beach in a little over a week). I know, a lap isn't much (6/10ths of a mile I think) but it's a start and I can feel it. I can feel those coughs that bring junk up each time. I can feel my lungs being introduced into hard work again. It's feels so good and so bad at the same time. But my motivation is also pretty serious. Although, as my FB status said recently, "It's hard to be motivated by someone who doesn't exist yet"... I'm running for my kids. For my future family. Because I want to be there for them. I want to be there. So I'm running a little bit every day hoping to work back up to where I used to be. I push myself a little bit more every morning, running more than walking than the day before. I'm trying.
Today was spent with my little "sister" because today was her last day of junior year of high school! So we roamed the town and ate crawfish this evening. Here is the best picture from the day! (Taken in a Target parking lot!)
-Annie
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